Paranoia

The onset of the COVID-19 lockdowns plunged me into a maelstrom of emotions, dominated by isolation, despair, and an overwhelming sense of fear. Initially, I yearned to escape the confines of my home, but a nagging apprehension held me back. Paranoia gradually seeped into my daily life. Simple tasks like disinfecting Amazon packages with alcohol swabs or calculating our toilet paper supply became infused with anxiety. The evening news, my sole link to the external world, exacerbated my unease, bombarding me with alarming updates. As if the weight of a global pandemic weren't enough, the arrival of the CZU fires further deepened my trepidation. The once blue sky transformed into a haunting orange hue, an eerie backdrop to my growing concerns. The question of whether we were hurtling towards the "End of Days" began to loom in my thoughts. Amidst this tumultuous backdrop, I sought refuge in my art. I turned to a series of Lumen prints from 2009, seeing in them an opportunity to encapsulate my complex emotions of fear, distrust, and paranoia. With a renewed perspective, I embarked on reworking these prints, infusing them with Cyanotype solution. This process allowed me to channel my inner turmoil into a creative outlet, bringing to life the intricate web of emotions that had ensnared me. In each brushstroke and exposure to light, I found a means to express my fears and anxieties, transforming them into tangible representations of my psychological state. The resultant art serves as a mirror to my psyche during those turbulent times, a testament to the resilience of the human spirit in the face of fear and uncertainty. These visual manifestations of my journey through paranoia, fear, and introspection are a reminder that art can be both a refuge and a conduit for understanding and healing.